Irrevocable Solitude
by Pink Ribbon Scars
Summary: I was doomed to the title of a bystander of life. Watching everyone around me life happily with no one of my own. A life of irrevocable solitude. That is until I saw my existance through the brown eyes of a beautiful stranger. Cannon. Vampward. BxE. AU?


So here is my latest work Irrevocable Solitude. I'm not really certain about this story but I'm really excited to write it. I've always wanted to write a story about Edward fighting his demon. Please stay tuned. R&R please!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing twilight. I just have ideas. No money is made from this and there is no copyright infringement intended. Enjoy.

**Prolouge**

Eternity.

The four syllable word seemed so incomprehensible to me at one point. I couldn't wrap my mind around it, didn't know what it meant. But lately, I've been learning the exact dark meaning it holds. The lesson is not one easily picked up, but when you do see it for what it really is. Lonliness.

"Ahh!" Alice's jolly shriek interupted my drab musings. Jasper was chasing her around the dining room table with threats of impending tickling pleasure. "Jazz don't! Please!" she exclaimed, a huge grin on her pixie-like face as they ran around the table two more times. She made a daring dash for the stairs with Jasper on her heels.

"Nun-uh! You've been asking for it!" he chided playfully, gaining on her. "Come here!"He sprung on her and they fell to the ground with a loud splat as he immediately commenced his tickling assailment. "Say you sorry!" He attacked her rib cage full on, enjoying the writhing that accompined.

"Ahaha…Nev-..ahah...-ver!" She gasped between laughs, holding her sides and half-heartedly tried to push him off her with her knees.

"Tsk tsk tsk, my beautiful wife. I'm afraid you're going to have to pay for that!" He promised, shaking his head with faux dissapointment, scooping her into his arms, flinging her over his shoulder and running with her upstairs where he, no doubtly, planned to make love to her.

I sighed running my hand in my hair and got up from my perch on the piano bench, walking over to the back door to the yard. Hearing them make love was something that I couldn't bare to stand right now. I let the crisp morning air fill my lungs and did an unncessary but still relaxing stretch.

This was what I went through being the only single person in a household full of lovers. I was constaly surrounded by amorousness with no one for myself. Sure I loved my family and I tried as much as I could to not brood all the time, but it was proving to be difficult as the years went by. Being an one hundred and ten year old virgin was starting to get to me, and the near constant lovemaking that Rosalie and Emmett had was not helping.

I wanted someone of my own. Someone I could crawl in bed with and make love to for hours. Someone to talk to, love, need. But alas I was without spouse and no one had yet to catch my eye.

_Am I being too picky?_ Sure there was Tanya but she wanted me for other reasons. I had been the only one to deny her the attention she, much like Rose, lived for. I was an object to her, a trophy, and this is not what I wanted.

I sighed again and sat on the dewy earth watching the smokey clouds caress the horizon to the east of me. Often times I let myself wonder if it would have been better if Carlisle had chose not to uphold the promise he made to my mother on her death bed so long ago. Would I have liked it better to have died then doomed to a life of endless night? Would I have gone to heaven? I chuckled outright at the idea of going to heaven. I suppose it seemed logical then but now it seemed inconceivable. I could not blame Carlisle for his actions. He had showed me the good in life and made me feel as though I was not a monster. I owed him much. But my future still seemed empty. I feel like a bystander watching life roll pass me with no real signifcant purpose. Maybe this is what "God" wanted for me.

An eternity of irrevocable solitude seemed like my only fate.

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So there it is. That's what I've always seen Edward thinking befor he met Bellz. Next chapter will be up soon I hope (I have to have a dicussion with my brain about why these ideas arent coming faster. Stoopid brain!) Haha!

**REVIEWS ARE FUEL!**

**_-Pink Ribbon Scars_**

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